I'm Just So Delusional
Happy New Year to the three people who are reading this. It's been a while since I've blogged. Couple reasons for my inactivity:
1) I've been sick, I still can't shake this nasty cough.
2) The holidays. I've been getting fat on gooey butter cookies. Damn you Elsa for baking them.
As far as the comedy thing, lately I feel I've been more consistent with my stand-up. The last two weeks at the Funny Bone, I feel I've had solid sets. Last week I performed at a place called T Billy Buffets. Fellow comedian Chelle hosts the show and she was nice enough to invite me to perform. I wasn't sure what to expect at first. TBilly's is a bar and whenever you perform at a bar, you're not sure how the audience is going to react. They may shut up and listen or throw beer bottles at you cause you're blocking the game. It was a fun show. Chelle did a nice job setting it up. There was a good size audience there and everyone for the most part paid attention, even the guys sitting at the bar watching the game. Chelle's been hosting the show for the last couple of months and I hope it can continue. It's always nice to have another room here in St. Louis where comics can develop. From first hand experience I know how tough it is to keep a room going, so I wish her nothing but the best. Come on out and support it. The show is every Wed at 9pm at T Billys and it's free.
One thing I've been thinking about recently is my attitude towards stand-up in general. Look I'll be honest, I have an ego when it comes to comedy, always have, which is why I want to do this. You got to understand I've never been egotistical about anything else in my life. My self-esteem is so low, I'm the first guy to admit when I can't do something. In fact I almost take a warped pride in being incompetent at so many things. But stand-up and in particular comedy writing, I've always felt like I can do. I don't know why, I've just always had that feeling. And that scares the shit out of me. Because my biggest fear is being delusional. My biggest fear is I'm not funny and that's what drives me, to prove that fear wrong. Now you're probably asking why am I writing this? What's my point? (To be honest I don't know if I have one. I just started writing and hoped it would all work out magically in the end.) I think my point is I need to stop taking this thing so seriously. I have to realize I'm going to have off nights, that there are going to be other comics who will have better sets and get breaks that I wanted and for me not to treat this thing like a competition. But to instead focus on being the best comic I can be and believe in myself for really the first time in my life. Someone said if you're a perfectionist, comedy will kill you. And they're right. Faith is a scary thing.
Note. The above feel good, chicken soup for the soul bullshit was for my own well being. If anyone got nauseated reading this self centered crap, I'm truely sorry and I promise in the next blog entry, d*ck and midget jokes for everybody! HOORAY!
1) I've been sick, I still can't shake this nasty cough.
2) The holidays. I've been getting fat on gooey butter cookies. Damn you Elsa for baking them.
As far as the comedy thing, lately I feel I've been more consistent with my stand-up. The last two weeks at the Funny Bone, I feel I've had solid sets. Last week I performed at a place called T Billy Buffets. Fellow comedian Chelle hosts the show and she was nice enough to invite me to perform. I wasn't sure what to expect at first. TBilly's is a bar and whenever you perform at a bar, you're not sure how the audience is going to react. They may shut up and listen or throw beer bottles at you cause you're blocking the game. It was a fun show. Chelle did a nice job setting it up. There was a good size audience there and everyone for the most part paid attention, even the guys sitting at the bar watching the game. Chelle's been hosting the show for the last couple of months and I hope it can continue. It's always nice to have another room here in St. Louis where comics can develop. From first hand experience I know how tough it is to keep a room going, so I wish her nothing but the best. Come on out and support it. The show is every Wed at 9pm at T Billys and it's free.
One thing I've been thinking about recently is my attitude towards stand-up in general. Look I'll be honest, I have an ego when it comes to comedy, always have, which is why I want to do this. You got to understand I've never been egotistical about anything else in my life. My self-esteem is so low, I'm the first guy to admit when I can't do something. In fact I almost take a warped pride in being incompetent at so many things. But stand-up and in particular comedy writing, I've always felt like I can do. I don't know why, I've just always had that feeling. And that scares the shit out of me. Because my biggest fear is being delusional. My biggest fear is I'm not funny and that's what drives me, to prove that fear wrong. Now you're probably asking why am I writing this? What's my point? (To be honest I don't know if I have one. I just started writing and hoped it would all work out magically in the end.) I think my point is I need to stop taking this thing so seriously. I have to realize I'm going to have off nights, that there are going to be other comics who will have better sets and get breaks that I wanted and for me not to treat this thing like a competition. But to instead focus on being the best comic I can be and believe in myself for really the first time in my life. Someone said if you're a perfectionist, comedy will kill you. And they're right. Faith is a scary thing.
Note. The above feel good, chicken soup for the soul bullshit was for my own well being. If anyone got nauseated reading this self centered crap, I'm truely sorry and I promise in the next blog entry, d*ck and midget jokes for everybody! HOORAY!
posted by JG at 7:26 PM
1 Comments:
It is so funny how your last sentence captures everything you were saying about yourself. "If anyone got nauseated reading this self centered crap, I'm truly sorry and I promise in the next blog entry, d*ck and midget jokes for everybody! HOORAY!"It also shows how clear a self awareness you have. Which is rear.
well, I run into your post after googling "fear of being delusional." Yes, there is someone out there who is thinking about exactly the same thing you are thinking about yourself.
Our reasons might vary, since I am a clinical psychology doctorate student, and such self introspection is a necessity.
my worry about being delusional however stems from the fact that i bring joy to others but dont seem to have a recollection of any of that and wonder the earth with deflated ego not knowing what others feel about me and always trying to be objective.
I can not say much, but if you give it more thought, you can see the similarities in our observations.
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